Category Archives: lowercase rambles

for when uppercase is just too much

Attention DinoD

While I’m up for a good witch hunt and ceremonial burning at the stake, in this instance I feel it only fair given your advanced years to let you off… just this once woman.

Your missing comment is lurking on Belle’s page under her photo.


No no need to thank me I live to swerve .    🙂



Surely it hasn’t been that long?

I’m forgetting what that felt like to fail so completely at getting pg, to produce dozens of eggs and have maybe 2 at transfer if I were lucky. Canceled cycles, blood tests, tears, fears, anger, sadness it was my life but I’m sitting here and I know that it will always be a part of who I am but it’s not all I am anymore.(more I want to say on this another time)

I can raise my eyes to level and see the blobbies in the backyard with water pistols (yes I’m an evil mother I enjoy listening to my kids laugh whilst brandishing guns) squirting each other and poor Sam (dog) who can’t move quite fast enough to get away from them and Hairy who is doing his best to pretend they are in trouble, they are having a ball out there.

That’s my life now and while we have concerns and fears occasional glimpses of sadness and latent anger it’s minor and fleeting.  Has enough time really passed that saying I’m HAPPY really means I’m happy not just lip service? stuff knows really but wow it feels good.

Now the object of my affection and the best medicine there is…. My blobbies at 2years 1 week (adjusted age) oh Jack’s head really isn’t wonky my  phototaking skills are rather lacking.

my morning in review.

laying in a nice warm cozy bed, listening to the blobbies chatter and squeal over the monitor. “ahhhh life is good” says I. (it always starts that way huh)

sounds of LOUD banging clattering and scraping “arsehole (neighbour) your home improvements suck” mutters I, briefy consider getting dressed for the day decide the blobbies wont wait that long and just toss on a bathrobe.

wander into the blobbies room

“hello my precious girl hello my beautiful boy”
squeals laughs and raspberrys greet my appearance
“i love mornings” i coo and smile at the blobs more sounds from outside.
holy shit that sounds like the dogs.
“hang on babies back in a minute” sounds of happy squeals turn into sounds of angry how dare you leave me screams times two.

check out the back NO dogs.
check out the side NO dogs
check out the front. fuck!!
“sam beej come here” “fuck this grass is cold”
“saaaaaaaaaaaam get your black arse back here you little bitch” this is while she’s romping yes romping around the nature strip (grass verge beside the road)
“SAM HERE” dutifully if not sulkily she returns to me, now the dilemma do i let her go to get beej or do i continue to freeze my feet on the grass and wonder? toss sam almost bodily into the garage “don’t bloody wag your body at me missy” (female rottie no tail so does the whole body wag to compensate)

“beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeej here boy commere buttbreath”
“beeej here boy”
“you deaf shithead OVER HERE”
“BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEJ HERE NOW” drag him over to the garage, carefactor for slobber minimal my feet hurt they are so cold, man handle him inside and lock the door.
sounds of screams now at levels that could deafen a rock greet my return indoors

“come on missymoo nappy change time don’t you look lovely in your jammies” she stops screaming long enough to smile at me. nappy change for bellabirdy and back into her jammies its cold this morning get her set up with her bottle and off i go to tackle wonderbum er boy
“jackyboy my little love muffin your turn” “no jacky put the wipes down” “jackyman let the strap (device for holding blobbies to the changetable) go… no… let….it….go. jacky please. LET GO OF MY HAIR.. wow you’re a porker my boy”

back broken from picking up jackyblob who was doing his impersonation of a blue whale.
get jacky set up with his brekky bottle
take bellablobs bottle off her, burp her and return her to the bouncer
breathe in and out a few times, look down notice i’m covered in dog slobber/hair and mud. go change into another robe, phone Hairy tell him to bring wood home so the fucking side fence gate can be nailed shut.

get the blobbies farax ready jacky’s finished his milk burped and reclining in his bouncer.
“open up little birdy” good girl”
“jacky let go of the spoon”
“fine i’ll get another spoon” jacky proceeds to blow raspberries at the end of each mouthful, farax drool going everywhere
bellablob just eats nicely and doesnt get to wear her brekky burp and wipe up, time for nappies again pick up bellabird off we go nappy done, and into cot for a nap pick up jackyboy
“jackyman you’ve spilt your milk again your pants are soaked”
“dammit” never mind we do change hey” jacky rinse repeat with nappy wipes/straps/bibs/hair/belt anything he can grab he does.
“HOLY MOTHER OF GOD” poo blow out sweet lord jackman you rotter! poo is everywhere up his back down his legs in his socks on his hands… gag… fuck on his hands.. get him cleaned up can’t find pants for him so in he goes into bella’s pink tracky pants
“i’m comfortable in your masculinity jackyboy men can wear pink”
lay him down for a nap and go search out poo marks elsewhere bouncer now sporting poo marks strip it throw it in the wash and raise hand to push hair back from my face you guessed it poo hair! what numbnuts ever said i love mornings? gonna bitchslap that cow i tell ya.

now i’m breathing in and out hair drying and wondering what else can go wrong today.

still wouldn’t change my life for the world but i could do without the poosplosions and renegade dogs.

what did you do yesterday?

I’m heartily sick of people asking what i do all day, or worse asking if I’m bored being at home. So in the interestes of  “fuck you”  here is a sample day. Yesterday to be exact. and in no precise order.

5 Hours feeding the babies

4 Hours spent with babes in arms be it rocking/soothing/reading dr seus but with an arm full of wiggly baby-goodness

1 Hour floor time split into roughly 15min stretches with tummy time etc. yes i’m on the floor too lazy cow that i am.

2 Hours washing / prepping and making the bottles sterilising various baby goods.

2 Hours washing/drying/sorting/folding laundry

1 Hour cooking and scoffing big people dinner

1 Hour house cleaning floor washing picking up toys etc.

30mins shower split over morning/evening showering includes teeth brushing etc.

5 Hours sleeping why i put this in the middle of the day is beyond me but it’s how my mind is working so just go with it.

30mins on the phone with various doctors offices and friends.

30minutes net time bill paying and reading a blog or two.

2 Hours (split) time spent with Hairy talking catching up, reading,tv. this includes bathing the babies current events go so much better when you’re being pee’d on by a soapy bubba.

30mins trying to remind myself that this too shall pass and looking for things i’ve lost, my mind not being found, I settled on seeking out the hiding spot for lost socks, eyedrops, nasal drops, lost dummies (pacis) and just about anything i thought i needed and couldn’t find.

That is a fairly typical day, bored? I know it’s tres exciting huh, but i’m not, i don’t have time to be bored. If i could have one wish it’d be for an extra 2 hours per day to just be by myself. I can’t remember what it was like to watched a whole tv episode in one go or omg soak in a bath,  because no matter what I’m doing a little person is or will be demanding attention. I wouldn’t swap my life now, I’m loving it just sometimes ya know …. time… lack of… it does impact on moods.

next week i’m going to schedule in time to shave my legs woohoo i live on the edge!

not the 9’o’clock news

But way more interesting, well to me it is.

First up The Blobbies are here. Both are little stars, now taking full suck feeds and in a week or two will be allowed to come home, they arrived amid much gnashing of teeth and well ok there wasnt time to gnash teeth. emergency c-section saw them come into our world on the 27th of August at 32 weeks gestation. Since then they have progressed in leaps and bounds tomorrow sees them 3 weeks old and yesterday we got the best news ever, their NGT (nose tube for feeding) was removed… yippeeeeee my blobbies are now unmarred by tubes well except for the apnea monitors and they wont come off til home time. wanna see them? what am i saying of course you do, well wait no more here they are in all their beanie splendor. ok they are only 10 days old in this pic but what can i say it’s my fav pic of them *swoon*

picka blobbie goodness

picka blobbie goodness

More news yes i’m full of exciting stuff. We moved yayaya! finally we have a house, same day i went into labour we got the keys for this place. it’s noice needs a few updates but it’s perfect for what we want and need. only downside is we didn’t keep one single phone number everything is new and since the business also moved we killed the business lines not thinking at that time that it would also kill the mobile phones. ah well live andlearn,  i’ll just gaze at my beautiful blobbies and think fuck it dunnamadda.

oh and Dino just for you …

lets play a game

and lets call it, oh I don’t know, spot the bitch. I’ll start and then  you try and spot who is the bitch but i’ll give you a clue she’s the size of a house, wears comfy shoes and waddles. Ready? ok lets go…..

Had my GTT on Saturday which was a real pita. We are in the middle of moving and am currently living out of a suitcase or two while we wait for our house to become vacant. Stressful? why yes yes it is. but thats only background bullshit the real fun starts at the pathology lab. *insert wavy dream sequence lines*

theres me larger than life, holding ticket number 3, yes yes, I got there super early so I didn’t have to wait around all freaking day. I’m in the lab that my clinic uses so I’m doing my best to hide my mammoth girth behind a newspaper, I thought I did pretty well at it actually, until (isn’t there always an until?) the place filled up ticket number 36 was taken and still number 1 had not been called back. Hey I don’t mind I rarely get to read the funnies. So the place is packed standing room only by this stage and finally #1 gets called back, then #2 and of course then me #3.

Side note, that drink is vile people why not just give me a kilo bag of sugar and a thimble full of water and let me scoff into that, pee’ing into a tiny itty bitty cup when you can’t see your toes let alone your pubes was well lets say interesting but finally doable the first draw, she wasn’t so bad, then i get to go sit down for a few hours and await the second  part of the testing. I don’t wait in the waiting room nope I head out to the comfy couches and proceed to while away the hours with solitaire on my phone.

Eventually my time is almost up so I head back into the lab waiting room, and score a chair *woohoo* again I do my best to hide the bleeding obvious, the woman a couple of chairs up was in for her beta and telling her support chicky how pointless it was going to be i felt for her but kept my head down none the less.  My alarm goes off and out comes a lab techy to call me back, “Mz Heffalump? Mz Heffalump? we’re ready for you now!” I try i really did try to get up and walk back without being seen, damn my cloak of invisibility was in the wash!  I put my paper down on the table and head back to the torture chamber, no dramas I thought but of course this is my story so there has to be one, I couldn’t for the life of me pee so blood was taken and an extra 10 mins given for me to sit and wait in the waiting room to hopefully get my bladder to co-operate.

Time ticks by and back I go after being called yet again “Mz Heffalump you can come back now” gee great so back I go do my thing and come out he (lab techy) had asked me to wait no idea what for but i did anyway back to my chair and paper.

Now imagine my surprise when beta chick remarked to her support friend how the “fucking fertile bitches  always get called back first, it’s so typical  she’s  pg so of course she gets the best of everything”  I looked up and see MzBeta  glaring at me , I look at her then back to the paper to hear her telling her friend i was a bitch, so being in the best of moods due to moving house and having scoffed a kilo of sugar after not eating for 24 years, i put my paper down and leaned over to her and said, “this is a DE pg, so before shooting your mouth off maybe stop and think a minute, the person you are disgusted at may just have done more cycles than you can possibly imagine, so please just keep your comments to yourself”

I thought i did pretty good, I didn’t swear I didn’t tell her to pull her fucking head out of her arse or any of the lovely  things I had floating around in my head. It didn’t hit me til I was given the ok to leave and heading out the door that she thought I was a fertile. me a fertile. it made me fume even more.

Had i been rubbing my belly and making a show of my massively pg self i could understand it, but I did everything possible to not be in anyones face and fuck it I have earnt the right to waddle (not that i can help it at this stage) and you know what else? as I stood outside waiting for Hairy to pick me up I rubbed my belly *shock horror gasp* in public for the first time I earnt that right too!

so there you have it who is the fertile bitch and who is the poor suffering infertile awaiting beta draw?

this is a mammoth post must have been pissing me off more than I thought oh well,

More exciting blobbity updates thursday after my Ob appointment, as a fertile bitch  I have again scored by sheer luck not careful month in advance planning the first appointment of the day.

Fancy meeting you here

Of all the gin joints in all the world, you walked into mine.

Ok I don’t drink gin, well I used too I loved a good G&T with a lime wedge. But those days are gone for awhile.

I like my new blog, i like the colours and i like how pristine it is, untouched by rant/drama/sadness and of course joy. So far only I know it exists and there is something about that that gives a small thrill. I can say what i want, when i want and if anyone is offended it’s only me and i know where the back button is.

So what brings me here, well i blame DinoD for that, and if you find your way here i suggest you blame her too. NO warnings are going to be posted here i did decide that much. I’m knocked up and hope to remain this way for oh 7 months give or take a few weeks.

Well thats the first post over and done with, now i just need to work out how to introduce the blobs, my insanity and all 23 of my other personalities. so much to type so little time to do it.