and lets call it, oh I don’t know, spot the bitch. I’ll start and then you try and spot who is the bitch but i’ll give you a clue she’s the size of a house, wears comfy shoes and waddles. Ready? ok lets go…..
Had my GTT on Saturday which was a real pita. We are in the middle of moving and am currently living out of a suitcase or two while we wait for our house to become vacant. Stressful? why yes yes it is. but thats only background bullshit the real fun starts at the pathology lab. *insert wavy dream sequence lines*
theres me larger than life, holding ticket number 3, yes yes, I got there super early so I didn’t have to wait around all freaking day. I’m in the lab that my clinic uses so I’m doing my best to hide my mammoth girth behind a newspaper, I thought I did pretty well at it actually, until (isn’t there always an until?) the place filled up ticket number 36 was taken and still number 1 had not been called back. Hey I don’t mind I rarely get to read the funnies. So the place is packed standing room only by this stage and finally #1 gets called back, then #2 and of course then me #3.
Side note, that drink is vile people why not just give me a kilo bag of sugar and a thimble full of water and let me scoff into that, pee’ing into a tiny itty bitty cup when you can’t see your toes let alone your pubes was well lets say interesting but finally doable the first draw, she wasn’t so bad, then i get to go sit down for a few hours and await the second part of the testing. I don’t wait in the waiting room nope I head out to the comfy couches and proceed to while away the hours with solitaire on my phone.
Eventually my time is almost up so I head back into the lab waiting room, and score a chair *woohoo* again I do my best to hide the bleeding obvious, the woman a couple of chairs up was in for her beta and telling her support chicky how pointless it was going to be i felt for her but kept my head down none the less. My alarm goes off and out comes a lab techy to call me back, “Mz Heffalump? Mz Heffalump? we’re ready for you now!” I try i really did try to get up and walk back without being seen, damn my cloak of invisibility was in the wash! I put my paper down on the table and head back to the torture chamber, no dramas I thought but of course this is my story so there has to be one, I couldn’t for the life of me pee so blood was taken and an extra 10 mins given for me to sit and wait in the waiting room to hopefully get my bladder to co-operate.
Time ticks by and back I go after being called yet again “Mz Heffalump you can come back now” gee great so back I go do my thing and come out he (lab techy) had asked me to wait no idea what for but i did anyway back to my chair and paper.
Now imagine my surprise when beta chick remarked to her support friend how the “fucking fertile bitches always get called back first, it’s so typical she’s pg so of course she gets the best of everything” I looked up and see MzBeta glaring at me , I look at her then back to the paper to hear her telling her friend i was a bitch, so being in the best of moods due to moving house and having scoffed a kilo of sugar after not eating for 24 years, i put my paper down and leaned over to her and said, “this is a DE pg, so before shooting your mouth off maybe stop and think a minute, the person you are disgusted at may just have done more cycles than you can possibly imagine, so please just keep your comments to yourself”
I thought i did pretty good, I didn’t swear I didn’t tell her to pull her fucking head out of her arse or any of the lovely things I had floating around in my head. It didn’t hit me til I was given the ok to leave and heading out the door that she thought I was a fertile. me a fertile. it made me fume even more.
Had i been rubbing my belly and making a show of my massively pg self i could understand it, but I did everything possible to not be in anyones face and fuck it I have earnt the right to waddle (not that i can help it at this stage) and you know what else? as I stood outside waiting for Hairy to pick me up I rubbed my belly *shock horror gasp* in public for the first time I earnt that right too!
so there you have it who is the fertile bitch and who is the poor suffering infertile awaiting beta draw?
this is a mammoth post must have been pissing me off more than I thought oh well,
More exciting blobbity updates thursday after my Ob appointment, as a fertile bitch I have again scored by sheer luck not careful month in advance planning the first appointment of the day.